Moving Beyond Grief
Hearing about the death of Steve Jobs brought a tear to my eye. This was not because of his innovations that I use on a daily basis, but because his life was cut short by an awful disease that has severely affected my life over the past few years. I took the time and watched the video floating around YouTube of his 2005 commencement address at Stanford University and was choked up yet again when he talked about facing death during his first bout with Pancreatic Cancer.
2005 Commencement Address - View Full Video
The line “even people who want to go to Heaven don’t want to die to get there” immediately made me choke up and think about my mom in the final days of her life. I could see the fear and sadness in her eyes even though she was sure that once her battle with cancer was over she would be in a better place. Undoubtedly she is better off than she was when the cancer had taken hold of her body but the emptiness of her absence is something that tugs at my heart everyday. You never know how you are going to deal with the loss of a loved one until it happens to you and so far my journey has been filled with more valleys than peaks.
Every time I read a story or see a piece on the news about cancer it takes me back to the bedside where I watched my mom take her final breath. While I know those stories won’t go away I hope to eventually shift my memories from that final mental picture of my mom to happier times when she was full of life and happy being the loving mother she always was. This isn’t an easy task for me at the moment but I know with time I will be able to make this shift in my thinking.
Losing my mom and hearing stories about people like Steve Jobs losing their life to cancer has also lead me to think more about my mortality. If I only live as long as my mom that means I only have 18 years left, 21 if I live as long as Steve Jobs. This may be a morbid way of thinking but the trick is to turn it around to a positive. Since I know my days are numbered then I need to make the most of everyday I am given. I want to make a difference in this life and leave a positive mark wherever I go. I want to surround myself with positive energy and turn my grief into actions that will help the world around me. I feel this is the most effective way to deal with my loss and hopefully it will inspire others that are going through the same thing to move past grieving and back to living.
I know this is a departure from my normal posts about delicious vegan food but it is something that has been weighing heavily on me lately.
Today truly is the first day of the rest of your life so seize that opportunity and make the most of everyday.
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4 Comments
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Good advice Roi. Maybe a departure from the norm is necessary every now and then.
Lovely heart felt post.
My cousin who was like a brother to me also passed away from pancreatic cancer. He had an amazing 5 years after diagnosis, when many with this disease have mere months. Steve Jobs was diagnosed soon after my cousin and I followed his path with great interest. It appeared after his liver transplant he may have found the way to survive this most insidious form of cancer, but alas, as we know, he did not!
Thank you for sharing your personal connection to this story and I hope our loved ones are pain free and whole again in heaven or wherever beautiful souls go.
Peace and Blessings!
My father passed away this year because of cancer…I’ve never found a way to express how I felt or how I feel about it all. Reading this post was like reading someone putting my soul into words. This post was very touching, and amazing. Hope all is well w/ you.
xox